Tanya
Ronder
IFS COACH
Coaching
"Therapy is too good to be limited to the sick"​
Furedi, Hungarian-Canadian academic
Coaching is distinct from therapy or counselling in that it does not look to unpack the past, but instead strives to see it, acknowledge it, and move beyond it.
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"Coaching is a hybrid expertise that has adapted brilliantly to the complex and competing demands of contemporary society”
Simon Western, Coach & Author
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Isn’t coaching about work? About making us more efficient? Athletes have coaches; organizations use coaching to support their employees through challenges and transitions, easing out tangles to perform better.
We may not be an athlete or work for a large organization, and yet work is a crucial aspect of nearly all of our lives. Ideally, it is also an expression of who we are.
And personal coaching is about everything – our physical, our professional, our social and our home lives, and crucially the balance and the spaces in-between. How can we turn up more fully as the protagonist in our own life?
“Perfectionism is the belief that something is broken - you. So you dress up your brokenness with degrees, achievements, accolades, pieces of paper, none of which can fix what you think you are fixing... Change is about noticing what's no longer working and stepping out of the familiar, imprisoning patterns"
Edith Eger, Holocaust Survivor & Author
Coaching is the place to look at your world right now, at where you are, at how you function, at what it is you really want and the ways in which you are interrupted in that. The coach listens for subtext, for the stories the client tells themselves, and for the embedded assumptions beneath their statements. A collaborative, conversational process, the coach uses gentle and occasionally challenging questioning, aiming to prompt more profound and liberated thinking.
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“That lovely freedom of breaking the template of yourself and the prison of your story”
Carl Rogers
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"Intuitively I chose Tanya to support me because she 'got' me. Right from the get go, I felt deeply understood and seen. And I never felt 'processed'. Instead, I felt her move and respond to what she was discovering so that our work together felt like a creative dance. She has a wonderful ability to really grasp and then synthesise the complex reality of real life, and offer support that is always appreciative and nourishing. You couldn't have a better person on your side"
Paula Downey
Systemic practitioner,
author, speaker
“Tanya is insightful, empathetic, caring, inquisitive and super smart. Her hunger for learning and getting a deeper understanding of subjects is inspiring, she brings great breadth and depth to both coaching and supervision”
Lotti Kierkegaard
Coach and Director of Commercial Training
IFS
Internal Family Systems is an intuitive technique of engaging with our subconscious terrain, allowing us to meet the opinions and characters that dwell there and which, unbeknown to us, influence our day-to-day thoughts, feelings, responses and behaviours.
Bringing us into conversation with these parts of ourselves begins to release us from outmoded patterns that we have lived with for decades.
“What would it be like if you knew with confidence that your most repulsive or disdainful thoughts or feelings were coming from little parts of yourself rather than being the essence of your identity?... what if you totally trusted that those parts were different from your true Self and that you, as that Self, could help them to transform?”
Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder of IFS
IFS is the fastest-growing evidence-based psychotherapeutic modality in the world. Scientific research keeps emerging with more evidence that using the IFS model can overwrite implicit, trapped and often traumatic memories, meaning that we are able to rewire our neurological pathways, changing our inner architecture on a biological, neurological and cellular level.
Here is a fifteen-minute video explaining the neuroscience of these changes.
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"Tanya’s interest in Internal Family Systems (IFS) combined with her perspective as a writer gives her a compassionate, human approach that helps coaching clients to both explore and better know themselves in a safe environment"
Jonathan Broke
Coach
The Combination of IFS & Coaching
Being listened to in an unconditional and non-judgmental way, and learning to listen to ourselves that way too, can have profound results on our relationship to our core self and with the world around us.
IFS is an efficient and intuitive addition to coaching, helping us to have conversations with parts of ourselves that we have shut away or who are running the show without us necessarily wanting them to.
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"I'm thirty-five and remember all that I've done wrong. Yesterday I was nice, but in truth I resented the contentment of the field".
Ada Limón, Poet Laureate
With increased self-knowledge and growing peace about who we are, we can make more intentional choices for how we actually want to show up for ourselves and others.
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Both coaching and IFS, at their heart, hope to make the unconscious conscious, so that we can stop being unwittingly driven by our subliminal patterns.
Where coaching is a conversation, IFS is a more unusual dive into the subconscious, experienced as something along the lines of a guided mediation. It often ends up being, through a gentle and personal journey, incredibly profound work.
“If that clenched jaw could speak”
Gabor Maté
We want different things at different times. Sometimes teasing or thrashing things out in a conversation is exactly the process that needs to happen - looking at values or discussing options. Other times dropping into our inner landscapes in whichever way they present themselves, meeting whatever or whoever wants to be met there, brings us just the understanding we seek.
I love both modalities – coaching with its richly collaborative, engaging and enlightening plethora of options, and the simple yet audaciously profound technique of IFS. I am delighted to be able to offer both, in a mixture that changes according to need and desire as the sessions evolve between client and coach.
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"People say 'I cannot wait to get back to normal'. I am begging that we do not go back. We have to go forward".
Sister Dang Nghiem, Buddhist and Author
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"Your warm and compassionate approach creates a space where individuals can explore their inner landscapes with a sense of safety and curiosity. I've witnessed first-hand the genuine care you bring to your work, and it's evident that your clients are in capable and nurturing hands"
Yasir Ali
Psychotherapist
"How lucky I am to have met Tanya to walk alongside me on this path. It's rare to meet someone who is as sun light. She's been warm, nourishing and strong to welcome my parts out of their cold shadows"
Sonia
Senior NHS Nurse
Body, Breath and Creativity
Letting our bodies breath and release its tensions is a major part of how we arrive into ourselves in healthier and more congruent ways.
Huge strides have been made in the field of mental health in the past 20 to 30 years, centralising the role our bodies play in storing traumatic or difficult feelings and responses to events in our lives and, crucially, to how the events were handled by those around us.
These are some of the key, front-facing players in the field who have evolved our understanding with their clinical work, research, and books - Peter Levine (Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma’), Bessel van der Kolk (‘The Body Keeps the Score’), Stephen Porges (‘The Polyvagal Theory: the transformative power of feeling safe’), Deb Dana (‘Anchored: how to befriend your nervous system using polyvagal theory’) and Gabor Maté (‘When the body says no’).
Although my work is not directly somatic, my actor’s training and yoga teacher training have given me a strong understanding of the ways in which tension can be stored and how it travels through us as our burdens lighten.
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“I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.”
Maya Angelou
“You’re here—
and if you relax
for a moment
your back
and other parts
will arrive
and you can be
together,
with yourself,
a little happiness”
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Ron Padgett
Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR)
More recently I have also trained in Deep Brain Reorienting. Evolved by Scottish psychiatrist, Dr Frank Corrigan, DBR is rooted in the neuroscience of healing.
Through my studies in Psychology & Neuroscience at KCL, I have evolved a greater understanding of the relationship between our brains and bodies and how our nervous systems are a constant messenger between the two.
Corrigan focussed his research on how trauma and early attachment wounding affects our brains, activating the survival responses in our nervous systems, high alert states continuing long after the initial threat has passed.
I now offer DBR sessions when requested, to help clear hard-wired, hard to reach, subliminal patterns that need extra help to change. When required, it can be a perfect accompaniment to coaching and IFS.
Emerging research from Dr Ruth Lanius and her Canadian team show incredibly positive results for DBR on these deep-set trauma responses in our systems.
The methodology is powerful yet beautifully simple. It is a guided mind-body process, taking us to the deepest part of our brains (the brainstem), whilst simultaneously grounding us completely in the present moment.
It is a safe and gentle technique that allows us to process shock, which gets stuck in our bodies and magnifies our difficult experiences. Shock is an element of trauma easily overlooked in talk therapies. DBR slows things down to an extent that gives us a chance to clear out whole sections of shock patterning within our neurobiology. Once shock has cleared, it becomes more straightforward for us to absorb the realities of whatever occurred for us in the past. This procedure functions below the level of our conscious remembering, meaning that it does not involve revisiting details of our history, nor rehashing overwhelming memories. Because it is led by our bodies and not by the front of our minds, it is a fresh encounter with ourselves, often very calm, and moves at a pace that allows the unprocessed to process.
You can find a short article which clearly explains how it works in more detail here.
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Feel free to get in touch and ask more about DBR if you are interested.
“Despite its gentleness, I found DBR highly effective, helping me access and process experiences that hadn’t shifted with other therapies. I would highly recommend DBR with Tanya, especially for anyone looking for a compassionate and thoughtful approach to unlock and resolve experiences that have left shock in the nervous system”
Ottavia Mazzoni
IFS & Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, UK
“I am so grateful for the DBR work I have done with Tanya. I had tried various trauma-focused approaches in the past. I found that Tanya slowed the session right down so that I could really get away from my head, and be present with the residual shock in my body. I was able to release some very old burdens and have emerged feeling free and empowered. The impact has been long-lasting. I highly recommend Tanya’s skill in applying DBR”
Psychiatrist
UK